Unless you are on a fried chicken dietwith extra greaseit is going be be difficult for you to stay fat after you cut out all the sodas and drink water only as well as give up all cakes, crackers, bread, cookies and pies. Even people on protein diets have been shown to lose weight. Unless we are prepared to accept the proposition that you alone on the surface of the earth, violate the laws physics by gaining massive weight through the exposure to sunlight, we are forced to the conclusion that if you consume fewer calories you will lose weight. One guy ate only Twinkies and lost weight. What makes drinking soda such a mistake is that you take in the calories without realizing it. Switch to water or tea without sugar and you will be amazed how much easier it is to control your weight.
There may be some exceptions to the rule. You maybe on one of those sleeping pills that cause you to cook up and eat a 7 course meal in your sleep. Or perhaps alien zombies from the plant Uranus kidnapped you and after the prerequisite amateur proctology lessons, they injected you with space aged synthetic fat molecules until your eyeballs were swimming.
If on the other hand you have found a way to put on the pounds merely by inhaling oxygen, then all I can say is Eureka!. At long last the Holy Grail of modern science has been discovered. We are a living perpetual motion machine. We shall discard our gerbils and take you and others of your kind and put you all in giant hamster balls. You shall power our cars and fuel our society. Since you have the ability to transmute nearly weightless gasses into heavy matter we shall dub thee Super Gerbil and thou shalt be declared to be cooler than desk top nuclear fusion.
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First the Universal Dieting tips:
Now on the to festivities:
Imagine a diet that consisted largely of vinegar. Or a diet where you could eat as much food as you wanted, but not the kind of food you like. Read them and weep:
Twenty Dieting Tips
Eat as Much as You like and Still Lose Weight
Delicious Monster Diet
Lose Toxic Fat
Tea Diet
Sugar in your Gas Tank not in your Stomach
Eating Bald
Cancer and the Miracle Fruit
Eating Bugs
Movie Star Diet
The United Nations Diet
Purple Diet
Maple Syrup Diet
Raw Food Diet
Hey, the Rat likes it!
Wine Diet
Delicious Monster Diet
Blue Food Diet
The Green Tea Diet
Toxic Diet
Ever heard of the Parasite Diet? How about the Mastication Diet.
A History of Dubious Dieting
Most Radical Diets
Purple Food Diet
No Cooked Fruit Diet
No Fructose Corn Syrup Diet
Vinegar Diet
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Weird Diets:
Eating Fire Ants
The Chewing Gum Diet
Chewing the Fat
Golf Balls Killed the Loch Ness Monster
Aphrodisiac
Scientific Serendipity
Jello and Broccoli
Edible Pets
Delicious Monsters
Pizza Squirrel
Sugar in your gas tank
Texas Toast
Edible Flowers
Gift Wrapped Garbage
It is better to be drunk than wasted
Easter Eggs
Eating bacteria
Why you are fat
KudzuFire
Lying about your diet
Twenty Dieting Tips
Eat as Much as You like and Still Lose Weight
Delicious Monster Diet
Lose Toxic Fat
Tea Diet
Sugar in your Gas Tank not in your Stomach
Eating Bald
Cancer and the Miracle Fruit
Eating Bugs
Movie Star Diet
The United Nations Diet
Purple Diet
Maple Syrup Diet
Raw Food Diet
Hey, the Rat likes it!
Wine Diet
Delicious Monster Diet
Blue Food Diet
The Green Tea Diet
Toxic Diet
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